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my life truelyy sucks right now. I won't go into all the details because I would need to write a book. I know this sounds terrible,but I hate my husband right now. He just doesn't seem to care about me or the kids. He says he does,but if he did,he wouldn't be such a lazy jerk.Hedoesn't seem to care that we live in complete poverty. We have VERY little,and the things we do have (cable,internet)is because of my mom. She felt bad that I didn't have them,so she paid to get it bacck on after a year.He won't let me go get on food stamps and all that. He doesn't care that we don't have insurance,and doesen't eant me to take kids to a doctor(we can fix them up here at home is his attitude).His parents pay for our car insurance,help with groceries,and such.The kids are not being the best right now, and his attitude is to spank them all the time. He is hardly ever home, and when he is, he doesn't spend quality time with us.I don't even care anymore,I want out.I am pregnant with # 5, and we can't even take care of the 4 we alreasy have. We have some $$ that he took out of his retirement fund to buy a van. that is fine, but we need other things as well. Our 11 month old sleeps in the playpen-no crib.My mom is buying a crib from a friend for the baby. I want to pay her back(we should).This morning, I aksed for some of the $$ for groceries... he said, "we will buy a van with My retirement $$ or I'll put it all back ". WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!? I thought it was OUR $$$. Oh man, I am not making any sense, am I?I am sorry, I guess I needed to blow off some steam. Sorry so long.
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You are making sense and I am so sorry you are going through this. It's great that you have both sets of parents there to help you out; but he needs to realize that he has a family to take care of. I can see buying the van if you really need it - but you also really need groceries.
Do you think he's stressed about baby #5 coming or is he just being a jerk? I don't know about his job situation or anything... and I'm not defending him, just trying to help you get to the bottom of his issues.
The comment about 'his' money going back would have completely torked me to be honest. My DH did that once - referred to some money he made selling a boat as "his" and I about socked him one.
Hang in there - I hope it all works out for you!! I wish I lived closer so I could be of some help.
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I'm not sure why your DH won't let you get on foodstamps if you need help right now. Maybe it's his pride, and I can understand that. But, just for the sake of getting your children on Medicaid (it's combined in New Mexico) I would go sign up for foodstamps anyways. It's my position that your DH's pride (if that's what is stopping you from applying) is NOT going to keep your kids healthy and prevent serious illness. And that's just something that you don't need right now...or ever. Ask for help if you need it. That's what welfare is all about. Stop and think about what's best for your kids, not what's best for your DH. And what about your OB visits? I'd say, DO IT ANYWAYS!! If he gets mad, so be it! You'd only be doing what's best for your family.
Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I've been in your positon before!
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I don't have much advice. I hope that venting about it helped you to get it out.
How great that you have family that will help you out. But MNmom is right he needs take care of family and that would be buying groceries.
Have you talked to him about all this? See what he has to say.
Are you a SAHM? Sounds to me like he looks at the money as his because his name is on the paycheck, which is so not true. With 4 kids and 1 one on the way I am sure that you work your butt off.
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Make an appointment with Social Services. Get any help that they can offer you. YOU NEED IT! They may be able to help you out more than you think. It is alot of paperwork but it will be worth it. I have my kids on Medicaid, I am a little embarrassed sometimes, but when I dont have to stress about when they get sick, it is worth it. You cant allows fix them at home. Do you have a WIC office?? Social services should be able to tell you. Take care of yourself and your kids.
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Just a thought....if you don't have insurance right now....what would you do if your baby was born with a hear disorder? Or any other kind of thing that needs fixing? How is DH going to fix that at home?
Happened to us with baby #5, DH didn't want anything to do with "welfare", well, taking care of my children is BOTH of our responsibilities--we have a policy that is secondary to our main insurance through the state---we would qualifiy even if we made $75k! It's just nice to know that what my regular insurance doesn't cover, this will--in my daughters case, it has saved her life.
I know you needed to vent, but you have a wealth of support on this board! YOU CAN become the advocate for your children and yourself! If you NEED food support---GET IT. (if you have a large retirement fund, you most likely won't qualify though, or if you pay cash for your van, etc.)
You have to do what you have to do, remember, those kids are your responsibility--especially if you feel that your DH's decisions aren't in their best interest. Also, who wrote the rule that just because he says so you can't do stuff--you are an individual--don't ever forget that--just because you are married, it doesn't mean you have less say in matters.
I really hope life becomes less stressful for you very soon!
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Thanks girls for your thoughts and suggestions! I am going to start to take some things into my own hands. I already have one one thing! I am getting Paige a Social Security card(she doesn't have one). He is mad and I don't care one bit!!!
PS... your caring made me cry again, but this time it was happy tears. thank you!
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He's gone all the time. Is he gone working? Is the problem that he simply doesn't bring in enough money to support you? Or is there something else going on? Is it drugs? Alcohol? Gambling? An affair?
Usually is there is earned income but no money for the family it means the money is going elsewhere. One of the first signs a wife has that the husband is cheating or has an addiction is because money is mysteriously missing - all the time and a lot of it. If this is the case, then that is the first problem to solve.
If you fail to get adequate medical care for your children, you could come to the attention of Child Protective Services. Whatever is happening with your husband to cause this problem, he probably won't appreciate being under their microscope.
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I would not for one minute let anyone ( even their father ) tell me that my kids were gonna go without because of their pride. I know this sounds harsh but you as their mother must do what is right for them. They depend on you to take care of them and you must take care of yourself. Every pregnant woman is intitled to Wic, no matter what your income is. You should ask for it and any other help that you need. If your husband gives you a hard time you just tell him that as soon as he can provide all these things then you will stop taking them from the government. If he doesnt want you to do that then he will find a way to get them for you all. Right now his pride is not important your kids and self well being is! I am sorry that you are going through this but remember that you have to do what is best for you and not worry about his pride.
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You said a very key thing: That you are going to start taking matters into your own hands. You can. Do it. He is wrong. He has had you under his little (and I do mean little) thumb for two long. It is your job as mom, as someone said, to take care of those little ones. Do you need him for anything besides money? Not even feeding his kids? Oh my. Do it for you and the kids. Don't care what his says or if he gets huffy. Those little brains are too important, as is your self esteem. Let me guess....he gets to eat lunch out most days, right? While the kids subsist on fried potatoes if you're lucky, and he sometimes brings home a pork chop or two for you to make him when he gets home. Oh and heaven forbid if the kids eat food he got for himself in the fridge.
I know you can't do much now, but consider your life without him. Do what you need to do with or without him. If he comes around later, fine. You just can't wait any longer. And talk to your doctor about reliable birth control methods. People on here rave about Mirena. Same thing - he doesn't take responsibility there either? You do it. You are your own person. Partnership is not about someone controlling you - it's about helping you grow (not physically! ). Do it, and it will also help you w/the stress level to have a healthy baby. Let your parents know what is going on in case they need to be there for you in case you have to make any drastic choices. But do know you can do it with or without them.