Im 16 years old, Im pretty scared and don’t know what to think or do.
He is 30 years old and lives at home with our mum. He didnt get any qualifications at school and so cant get very well paid jobs. So he cant move out.
At school he was bullied and never had many friends. Now he is completely anti-social. He doesnt go out and he doesnt talk much to us, his family. He used to smoke cannabis and was into some other drugs i think. Most of his hours are spent watching TV. He drink lots of alcohol on a daily basis. He is also a heavy smoker. The only person he was close to, our dad, died in the year 2000 from cancer. This tore him apart.
My mum and him used to go to a couseler together, to try and help him with all this stuff, and to try and get him to go out and interact with people. But it apparantly didnt work and he is just as bad as ever.
Im just posting all this because I think everything is getting on top of him, and its effecting our family. Im worried that he is so depressed, that he might go back to drugs and lose even more confidence in himself. I walked past my moms room the other day and i could hear her crying.
She is also really worried about him. Its scary to think that my brother is so unhappy. I dont want him to be unhappy, and because he wont open up to anyone, we cant help him.
My mums boyfriend asked me to talk to my brother to try and motivate him to go out and get a decent job. my mums bf said that my brother might listen to me more than my mum…and he said that my mum is scared that if my brother doesnt sort things out soon, he might do something drastic like commit suicide.
Im so scared of this happening. I dont know what to do. It makes me sad to think that my brother can be so unhappy in our family. Almost as though we havent given him enough support to get him through his life.
What should i think? and what should i do?
Answer:
I'm not sure where things went wrong for your brother, but you can't turn back time and fix whatever it is. I imagine that part of his sorrow is that he knows what kind of pain he is causing. So as hard as this is, you and your mum need to support him so that he doesn't feel like a burden. Its a tough balancing act. Let him know that his live is valued by those around him. Try helping him find a job. Go through the want ads with him. Go to interviews with him. Help him pick out his clothes. Be interested in his life, however much it may suck to him. If you are interested in it, he will be interested in it. Above all things, please let him know that he is loved, and that no one wants him dead, and that life WOULD NOT be easier for you guys were he gone.
Answer:
Your brother needs to realize and problem and he needs to realize that he needs to fix it. If he can't do that, then he can say goodbye to his life. (not to be really mean or anything, but its the truth)
Answer:
well, it sounds like he needs to see a counselor of his own, and of his own choosing. he is 30 after all, and should probably be going without mum. but it sounds like he's not big on motivation right now, and he has to be able to choose for himself. so until then, i will give you a little peer counseling advice. try to find out what motivates him, what his interests are. rather than telling him what he needs to do, find out some little thing that he wants in his life. If you and your family want to learn more about how to help him, I suggest the video lecture "Beyond the Coke and Smoke Syndrome" by Patricia E. Deegan Ph.D. or her training guide Working With People Who Appear Unmotivated. part of helping him, if you're up for it, is learning about why people do what he does. He's probably not lazy, but most likely has some mental health challenges and possibly some addiction problems. reading and talking to others can be a great asset in understanding and helping him. Good luck to you, you sound very mature and caring and I wish I had a sibling like you. -Alanna