This is the first time I have ever done this type of thing, but I am at wits end! My wife of under a year now has gone through such a drastic change in her life. She admits to being bipolar, at least thats what she feels her problem is, her mind is constantly racing, she has large amounts of anger, especially towards me, claims that everything I do annoys her in one way or another. When we started out she admits that she adored me, I have done and gave her everything I could in life, and still she is very ungrateful for everything thus far in our marriage, this could be better, that could be better. She refuses any treatment saying its all fake happiness, she refuses any therapy because thats not her style. I mean my wife is young, 23, will she ever get over this hurdle and realize what she has in her life? When she has her good moments , they are AWSOME, but for the past few weeks shes been getting worse and worse, and her own best friend feels shes in need of help, but is too afraid to tell her this. Ugh, where do I go from here? I am a strong willed and confident person that this has to get better, and I will stand by her through it all , I just need to know where to go from here, I know you cant make her go see a doctor, but I really cant figure out what to do from here! Help!
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must be quite frightening to have to stand so close to someone you loive and feel so emotionally distant and lost. sounds like you bth may need ongoing support. true that you can only have the most control over youself and so perhaps a good place to start is to cennect with some pprofessional person yourself. even a couples counsellor - ask your GP/doctor or look for information on relationships counselling in your area. your wife is still very young but what ever she may be going through doesn't need to be destructive to your relationship if you both seek help. it's important i think that you keep the focus on YOU BOTH because as soon as someone in a couple says to the other to seek help it's typical and very common they become defensive...and to a large extent they may be right..."this" is a "problem" you both ahve to deal with...and "she" is not the problem alone...i think you both need to be involved very much so together as a team... perhaps if you approach her with a genuine concern and sharing of your pwn feelings...that you are lost and worried and hurt for you BOTH (NOT cuz of her or worried FOR HER...) and if she hears your gennuine interest and committment to deal with it with help she may feel more safe to join you... tell her what YOU need...the best way to get someone to speak and connect with you the way you need them to is to do it fisrt yourself. then go ahead and get yourself the support regardless of what shge decides to do for the time being. this site is a bit helpful but you really need to make a phonecall or appointment with someone "real" lol... what u've done here is great, now only do it with someone face to face like a counsellor or doctor. good luck. i think from your post you seem to be very caring and quite hurt and upset yourself and i'd hate that you'd go through this alone. take care, all the best!
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wow... so many spelling errors! ehh.. woops
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Time for a change I think.. You have been in a reltaion ship for 1 year.. Let her miss you a little bit. I mean tell her go to her mom home or somewhere else for a week... Dont give too big Gap..:(
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Thanks guys, I am so confused and concerned, I really dont understand this way of thinking or reason. Do you really think that if I start out by seeking help she will see the light and follow through, she is a very private person with strong views against therapy and medicine. Which makes it even harder! The distance thing doesnt work , I tried it , although she was happy to see me and missed me, it was short lived and later turned around to animosity! Thanks again , and please help me grasp this undiagnosed problem, which is really leaning towards all of the tell tale signs of bipolar ism with anxiety and depression rearing their ugly heads in the mix.
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It seems that she doesn't appreciate your love anymore, all she sees is frustration which can come from being together all the time. I heard a saying : the one who runs away will be followed..she runs away from your love and you follow her and try to get her back . Maybe you should stop following her and let her be, just let her on her own a while without asking questions..if you go further you could even go out an evening without her ...her view of you may change and she may realise that she does love you . I 've experienced the same with my boyfriend, I kept running after him and he kept running further away...it helped for short periods of time but in the end it came back...he doesn't appreciate my love anymore..Maybe I've ginven too much love and gave him no space. You should give her space and stop running after her ...then her behaviour might change. I know it's hard when you love someone but it may be the only solution...she seems stressed and maybe out of love . Let her come to you herself...be patient I know it's not easy.
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i doubt you're smothering her... and if she's your wife i imagine it would be absurd to play games... i can't guaramtee what will work but i think if i were in your position i'd stop insisting on a diagnosis and pointing fingers but just would open up to my partner at a more appropriate time...and firmly state i need help, i'm hurting and confused and not happy and that i want to be suppportive and work on "us" but need help - and then would make it clear where and when i was having an appointemnt of some sort and ask them to join or maybe have your own private chat to someone first. don't get why ppl are so **** resistant to seeking a counsellor... it is confidential and no shame at all...who the hell teaches kids and people about relationships and how to communicate or deal with family or feelings etc.. we are never taught about these things so obviously we all need help at some point. i don't know but it seems the most responsible and adult way of dealing with a loved one's serious emotional or behavioural difficulties is to get more information and appropriate support.
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I am not pointing fingers, she is doing it to herself, I am just at a loss of ideas, I guess rmrose is right, I did smother her, I didnt have a social life, I am just now getting back out and trying to do things and have fun. I guess I am going to have to try and mend things on my own, my wife is oh so hidden and cold, and will not talk to me at all, there are moments when she sincerely wants to talk to me, but after two minutes, she is done and back to disliking me again. Its a scary world I am living in, but I will survive... for now.
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HI
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Sorry to say chrisw79 but too much love can kill a relationship, I know it ,it happenend to me just now. My boyfriend can't have that much love and can't give that much love either . He 's afraid of it for the pain it can bring.I didn't have nor need a big social life either , my whole life was around him. Therefore I may have put too much pressure on him and on the relationship and now it's all gone...and I'm the one who's in pain. Following my experience I believe you are doing the right thing, for yourself and for your relationship. If you keep on concentrating on the problem it won't dissapear but only grow bigger and you will become stressed and depressed. Try to live your own life without doing anything wrong and see how your wife reacts. Maybe she will become more relaxed because there is less pressure. I hope it will work out for you , don't die on it..I know it's very hard..take care of yourself first !
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seems like you've got some strategies to work with.. good luck and hope you have someone to talk to.
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I am at a standstill in everything and aspect of my life, I am really depressed at this point, my wife is really happy and really angry and really besides herself daily. The changes often occur within minutes. I really love her, and I really want to try and help anyway I can, her behavior has become reckless, her style has become careless, and quite honestly, everything has been done to tear us apart short of infidelity, and I really don't want it to get that bad that my wife feels as though the only true pleasure she will get is from another person. WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE!?!?!
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Just copy a quote:"With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose." (Nightingale.com) Sorry to say but when you 're the only one who wants to work on your relationship it won't work. I know cause I'm in exactly the same situation..my boyfriend started behaving real bad , wanted to be alone lots of times, was angry with the least I said,didn't want to see me anymore for weeks...and each time I was the one who made the step towards him cause I love him and I wanted to keep our love. After more then a year of this cruel behaviour I realised that he probably doesn't love me anymore....why otherwise would he act like that ? Why would he act so careless..it's a painfull realisation but I think his love has gone...Probably so for last week he told me he wants to be single (for the x th time in the last year) Sad ...painfull...but true I guess. I don't see any other reason for such cruel behaviour. It certainly isn't love,is it? Sorry man ...life is hard .I got depressed and have cried for months because of his behaviour towards me. Now I realise it may be best to let him go..why would I put all my loving energy into someone who doesn't want it? Mostly I have a wall of indifference in front of me..a person who seems cold towards me . I hadn't realised this before and thought he still loved me. Maybe he does a little but his acts certainly prove otherwise. ALthough I do love him very very deeply and would do anything to restore this love...(believe me I have done a lot more than I thought I was capable of)I think at this moment I can't do anything about it but to give him what he wants..let him go......I'm sure one day he will realise what he had ...But that day hopefully I will have moved on with someone who wants my love and is able to share it with me instead of pushing me away.It IS really painfull I know believe me...maybe worth giving it a thought..
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Well Thank you all for the advice, I am updating this post because as of today, Wed. Nov 22, 2007 my wife has made the decision that our marriage is over, we are through, and she was even asking her friend when the least hurtful time is to remove her band from her finger, yes, I am devastated, but what can I do? I guess she feels she can find happiness other places than here in our home, with our family. Good luck and god speed baby, I love you with all of my heart, but I guess I have to let you go, with hopes you may return before I start a new life with someone else. Oh well, until then, good night, good luck and happiness to all.
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Dear Chrisw79,I am so sorry for you. Truely. When people react that way it is because they don't love their partner anymore. I 've experienced the same. My boyfriend told me over the pc that he wants to be single on NOV 10th,2007. I'm in the same sad situation, it's very painfull and sometimes sadness takes over my life. I will give him time and still hope somehow he will realise he loves me and come back...Maybe I m dreaming...sometimes I wonder why people can't make real commitments anymore in which they keep loving and caring for the one they once chose to be with.It's so sad..