He has told me that if he would have known I would ave been coming he would have waited and never married his wife or had his children. Now, he loves his children more then anything in this world and I am way too young to be thought of as a possible new life partner. I am so deeply in love with him that I am terrified about this horrible thing that I am doing to his family. He and I are literally perfect for each other. I can’t keep ruining this marriage. It is not fair to his wife or his kids. What can I do to help him grow a stronger bond with he and his wife then the one that he and I share? How can I help him to love his wife more? He and I are both very confused and I think reattaching him to his wife is by far the best answer. What can I do?
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Think of it this way: If your dad left your mother for a younger girl, how would you feel? IF there are kids involved, do whats right for them.
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There's nothing you can do to help their relationship. Well, you could anonymously send her a copy of "catch him and keep him" by Christian Carter... but other than that, just break up with him.
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Deep inside you know everything , you are going through a relationship with no future , which will end up with you hurt & your lover's family destroyed so get out of this relationship as fast as you can , there is no good coming out of this relationship .
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I have to agree. Infedelity is a dangerous road to take, and men can be sly and manipulating when it comes to playing games with women's hearts. Harsh, but true. Not only are you putting yourself in a position to be hurt, but you could pontentially put him and his family in a lot of heartache, and that's not fair to them. I'm not judging you but any means, I have fallen for an older and married man too, I know it's hard. However, it comes down to a case of self-worth and respect. I'm sure that you can find someone else who is worth your love and time, and he getting the same from you.
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i think u need to leeeeeave
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He wont be able to get that loving bond back with his wife while you and him continue to see each other. You say he's older with children so I'm assuming he has been with her for some time, and things may have become a little stagnant, while with you it's all fresh and new and you probably make him feel young and alive again. If you dont leave whatever the outcome it will be messy... it may hurt you to walk away now, but in time you will be so proud of yourself! This happened to me when I was 17 and he wouldn't let go and any given oppurtunity would try and get us alone together again..I had to surround myself with friends and try to avoid places I might bump into him... but I am so glad I did what I did.. walk away, your young and have life to enjoy, you shouldn't have to be making these decisions, Good luck.
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My bestfriend was once in a relationship with an older married man and I kept telling her to end it. The man told her everything that she needed to hear (like he loves her, if he only knew she was coming he would have waited, etc etc) he buys her things too that's why she won't listen to me. After 10 years of hiding, she finally realized she's already 35 and is no where from finding a her own man. Now she feels too old and she wasted her youth on a good for nothing guy. I think you have to look out for yourself. That guy is bad news and will only break your heart and ruin your life.
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The only thing you have control over in this situation is your choice to continue to participate in this relationship. I was involved with a man who was married without children. He said he loved me and cared about me. I spoke to him almost everyday and visited with him once or twice a week. My heart/my emotions were definately tied up with this man. For over 10 years. I was in a lot of pain, alot of the time. It took me years and years to figure out how to cut the emotional bonds with this man, and understand that I have control over my heart. I can choose who I want to fall in love with. A great lesson from this relationship. However, the pain and time I invested was a HUGE price to pay. I sacrified way, way too much for this lesson. This man is NOT behaving as though he CARES about you and LOVES you. He is selfish and taking care of his OWN needs. He does not care about his wife, family or you. The only person he cares about is himself. A persons actions speak MUCH louder than words. I know it is difficult but my advice to you is: Cut your losses and stop this relationship! It is a no win game for you. The longer you are playing the more you will lose. You are being used. I am sorry to be blunt and frank, don't kid yourself. Stop treating yourself with disrespect. Forget everyone else involved, GET OUT! Think of yourself. Unless his wife is a complete idiot, she suspects he is having an affair. Most women are able to sense these things. She can use this to get from him what she wants ... ie: playing on his guilt, even if they never speak of it. Aside from stopping the relationship, there is nothing you can do to improve their relationship and honestly dear, their relationship is none of your business. You are being taken advantage of. He is playing you and will continue until YOU change things. You are the one who must be strong and just STOP this relationship. YOU are the one who has the MOST to lose! Seriously. GET OUT! Think about it dear, if a married man wants to have you in his life what IS he going to say to you? He needs you to feel special, so he will tell you what you need to hear so you will stick around. A man who really cares would never put you in a compromised & vulnerable position.
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wow.. well hmm.. why would you try & repair a relationship that isn't really there. dont worry about his hurting his kids. i think it hurts more when you 23 & you relize the household you grew up in was a lie & your parents hate eachother. do what makes you happy & do your best in life. if you feel guilty about go and talk to the wife.
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I am 43 and have been with a married man (51) for 4 years. It is VERY HARD to just leave. Where do you find the strengh to leave? I am aching inside and my heart tells me I need him for the comfort and love we share. It is wrong. I can not believe I have done this to myself, but just where do you find the strengh to move on? Men these days are not worth a first date. This is why I am still with the married man.... Life is getting harder rather than easier... good luck to all who is in the terrible situation. It is an abusive relationship and emotional abuse hurts just as bad as physical. Strive for a better New Year.
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Follow your heart and feelings. I doubt he will leave his kids for you so focus on you
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All you need ins to go back to him.What's the difference between younger and older guy. Yes you are breaking his heart by refusing. As long as you are positive and go with it you are not hurting anyone. you will know that you have fond your lover. And your best friend.good luck go with it.
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I am going through same situation right now. I don't feel my lover is old. As long as we both understand each other that's all that matters. life is challenging and just be positive.you will see how things change around you. Accept the children in your life too.
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If you feel you need a man, you have to find something else in your life that gives it meaning. You have to be able to say "no" to a man if you have something else going on in your life. Only when your life has its own meaning can you really feel comfortable being alone and will you ever be able to have a healthy relationship with a man.
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Even if he left his wife for you, would your spirit ever feel right? You could always wonder if he'll ever leave you for another women. The only thing that I can tell you is to back off and find a man who you could truly, love, trust and respect.
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In issues like this, always no one remembers God and his laws! Yes the first one is "You shall love your neighbour as yourself"! So where is the love of another human being here? The wife, the children, aren't they all human beings??? How about the fact that a woman doing this to another woman!?? A "Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you"! None of us want someone to do like this to us or our parents! ... I am not religious or being judgmental, but acknowleging a little common-sense and logic here! Isn't thats what make us different from other instinct driven animals? Our capacity to think, apply logic and past experience to our actions? I know i sound harsh but avoiding reality wont help either. Ignorance & arrogance always lead to failure and destruction. Because there are always consequences to pay! So take responsibility for your actions and get out of the relationship! He also need to do like that for already he still need to deal with guilt, diminished self respect and when the affair will come out ... Oh!
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The best action is no action. When he call, don't answer him. When he knocks, don't open the door. When he invites you out, don't go with him. Time heals. You will be hurt but the more hurt you will have if you continue to entertain him.
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This is a story as old as the world. Think about it, IF he really leave his wife for you he will most likely leave you someday for someone else. He's just one of those who keep "upgrading to a newer model" kind of guys. Sooner or later, you are bound to become the "old model" as well.
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Leave him and find sum1 your age, in that way he will be focused in his relationship with his wife and you find your guy and make it happen with him
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PLZ HELP!! I am in a weird situation. I find myself extremely attracted to a married man in my office, who is my ex. boss and who is 10 years older than me. He is very very attracted to me as well. We both almost kissed each other, but at the last moment I broke off and I decided this was a bad idea. However, as luck would have it, his wife heard him asking me to go home with him on the phone. I refused of course, nothing happened, but now she knows my name and that I work in the same office. I feel terribly depressed, I dont know what to do.