I am 18, in college, and my beautiful fiancee is 21 and in college. We are both fun loving people and love one another with our entire beings. However, we have encountered some strife. She feels confused, and out of place in our relationship. She said that she feels out of place with me, and with my mother, even though my mother loves her to death. I should mention that I have been going to school about 2 hours away from home, so we have only been able to see one another twice a month or so. I am moving back today though, and all of this happened last night. I have cried all night even thinking about living without her. I have never needed someone before her, but I truly need her. What do I do? Why is she feeling this way? I am trying my best to be understanding.
Answer:
Spending time apart is hard, and it does take its toll on a relationship. her feeling out of place might be due to the fact that you have been away and the settled in feeling of being around you and your mother is gone. I would give it some time, don't force issues on her, and be gentle. Do special things that remind her of why she loves you. Don't smother her, but I would put extra effort into reminding her how you feel, and do things that she would not expect. Flowers to her door, class or where ever you can catch her. The little things make a big difference, Or at least thats what my wife of 15 years has taught me =) Also keep in mind that the time you have spent apart led to life style changes that your return will now change, so its a big transitioning period for you both. Take it slow, and over time she should become used to you both being together and life will become normal again that your together and not apart. Hope this helps. Best of Luck P.S. Your story hit home with me, and brings back a lot of memories. I too was away for Basic Training and Tech school and had only been married for a week when i left. Hopefully you two will love each other as much as my wife and I have.
Answer:
Thank you. Thank you for serving our country as well. I have never felt a hurt like this before and she has not even left me. Just the mere though of it brings a pain inside of me that is unimaginable. I am praying to God as hard as I can that He will show to her how much I love her and what we truly have. I just cannot lose her, she is everything to me.
Answer:
Eighteen seems very young to be engaged, especially with the two of you still in school. How did your beautiful friend get to be your "fiancee" with you two seeing each other only twice a month, and with her feeling out of place with you and your mother? And what does she mean by "out of place"? Is there a racial or ethnic difference, or perhaps a very different lifestyle and set of values? What I am getting at is, perhaps the engagement was rushing things a bit? I think it's good that you're going to be moving back. I think you need to spend more time together and get to know each other better. Spend some time taking her places that she likes to go, reflecting her interests, and some places you like to go, reflecting yours. Figure out what common interests brought you together and try to spend some time developing that. For interest, if you met in church, you might get involved on a volunteer committee through the church and do something in partnership. If you're performers, try working on a show together. If you're outdoorsy, maybe you could take summer jobs working at the same camp. If she continues to feel "out of place" after sharing some of these authentic growth experiences with you, then I'm afraid she's probably right. Those inner voices must be heeded. My guess, though, is that you just don't know each other well enough yet to be using words like "fiancee." I think that, if you just take it a little more slowly, love might grow. Good luck, and bless you both.
Answer:
I'm 19 and just got engaged on Christmas and I'm also in college. :) My boyfriend lives about an hour away, but we manage to keep in contact and keep the relationship strong. You have to both realize that finishing college is essential for both of your futures. Your fiance might feel eary about getting married since you aren't together all the time. You need to talk about it. If you don't it will crash. I wish you the best of luck!!