My mom and dad divorced years ago, and since then, he’s moved on and dated a few sweet women that I got along with. Until now… He’s dated this new woman, Jennifer, for a year or less. She’s not much like the other girlfriends he’s had. She’s pretty controlling, and very bossy. Almost every day, she’s over at his house. She comes to FAMILY things. She’s his girlfriend , not part of the family! She even rolls her eyes and sighs and makes rude comments toward my older sibling, who sometimes causes trouble, but not so much trouble that she should be disrespected. She complains and talks to my dad about her behind her back. This girlfriend also treats me as if I’m a young child. I am a teenager . Not six. :( Also, if my siblings and I want to be with Dad (alone), she decides to come along too. Dad doesn’t seem to love her as much as he loved his first girlfriend (the first one after the divorce, that is), and the first girlfriend lasted only a few years! Less than five, actually. I just want her to know that I need Dad time too. She’s unintentionally taking that away when she comes everywhere he goes. Also, I needed to be treated my age, and my siblings need to be treated with respect. This was a bit of a rant, but if you have anything to say, please, I’d love to hear from you.
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Im sorry youre in this situation, i can understand where you are coming from Unfortunatly alot of the times if you come up to her and talk to her about these types of things (IE you wanting more dad time and being treated your age) shes more than likly to treat it either like a threat to her or like you are being a jealous child. Though there are a few times where the gf will come to respect you for confronting her about it, so you always have that chance But just incase it isnt one of those times... I suggest you talk to your dad about it and ask him to talk to her about it In my expeirence this usually works if your dad will listen hope it helps <3
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I am sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like you should talk to your dad and keep your cool while doing it. Go over your concerns in a rational and collected manner, let him know you love him and would like to spend some alone time with him. All the issues with his gf will be resolved in due time. He will eventually get tired of her controlling behavior and break off the relationship, especially if she continues to be disrespectful to you guys. Good luck!..
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Thanks, you two. We (my sibling and I) tried to talk to Dad about her, though, and he thinks we're overreacting and being rude. Hopefully, though, he'll come around. :)
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It's tough when parents get divorced and then they have a new girlfriend that you don't get along with, isn't it? Talking to him sometimes won't work, but he'll hopefully loosen up on this girlfriend issue.
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I am sorry you are having to go through this. It can be confusing and painful. I am a mother, divorced and never re-married. I never got into a new relationship specifically to avoid this type of scenario ... there are pro's and con's to my decision. Now, let's see .... How about trying to befriend Dad's gf. Maybe if you make an effort to get to know her she will be easier to get along with? If we consider that respect is usually earned by giving respect ... and we consider neither parties are giving respect to each other right now ... well, it has to start somewhere, right? So, how about being the 'bigger' person and giving her respect first and see if it promotes some change in the situation. Acknowledge her as a person, not 'Dad's gf', maybe this respecting her as an individual will help her see you as a 'person' and not 'his kid'. Just an idea ... chat with your sister about it too. This gf may see the two of you as a threat. Dad evidently need companionship. Maybe if she recognizes that you value her (heck, maybe if you get to know her, you may find things about her that you admire) she will not feel so threatened by you. When you build a relationship with her, you can assure her that you want Dad to be happy and have companionship of a woman, but you need him a relationship with him also. Good luck.
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Great advice, brightsunshine. About the befriending, though....she's been Dad's gf for about a year, and at first she was okay to get along with, and we were friendly, but then she started coming over more and being bossy. I respected her and was polite, then she started treating me like I was a little girl and began to judge my sister for her actions. :(
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Im sorry about what happened, that chick sounds mean! Hope he finds a better one otherwise you'll just have to find good attributes in her....I know it may be difficult but its better than nothing.
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Is she old enough to be your mother? Maybe she is attempting to take on a mother role? Get into a deep conversation with her. If your father is serious enough about her to bring her to family events, maybe they are considering marriage. Maybe she is trying on the shoes, so to speak to see if it would work. There are issues and challenges within any family. I think one of the biggest key's is COMMUNICATION. Open, non-threatening communication. Does this woman have children of her own? Maybe she is completely out of her element and is trying, though quite immaturely, to be a 'mother' figure. Now the goal is that Dad & gf have a rewarding relationship, that Dad & Kids get some alone time together (which would be expected in a nuclear family) and continue to build a rewarding relationship and that gf & kids establish sometype of healthy friendly bond. Maybe you should suggest family therapy and let the girlfriend come as well. Work through this. I know it is 'family', but sounds like she is intimately involved in your little circle & the family is being effected. I am sure this is something that can be worked through. Maybe it would help to go get some books on blended families and read them. Barnes and Noble should be able to recommend something. I have found reading about how others have worked through things helps me figure out a way to work through it. You should look for the good attributes in her regardless ... it will make being around her easier. oh, and a good friend of mine used to always tell her children, 'Don't give 'em the ammunition to shoot you with' (we are not talking bullets here lol) If the gf gets critical it is because someone is providing her with stuff to be critical of. Don't give her any information. Don't talk to her about ideas or opinions. If she critiques your sisters behavior ... tell sis to not give her anything to judge, simply be completely neutral, no interaction. I guess you could put on the big ole IGNORE. Then when she questions the ignore ... tell her she is too judgemental and mean, so you don't want to give her anything to be judgemental or mean about. But, remember that Dad IS going to have a gf and possibly new wife at some point. I
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It may seem threatening and frightening. But, no one could ever take your place. He love you. Let him know you need his attention too. Ask him if you could all have a Daddy Daughter dinner date night ... (if you have bro's well ... bring 'em along) Let Dad know, kindly, that you really need JUST DAD time with him. Reassure him that it is not your intention to seperate him from his lady friends. You just NEED him! Write him a letter if you have to. But, it is not unreasonable to request a weekend day during the month set aside for time together with out gf. Right now you Kids need to be reassured from DAD that you are not going to lose him to WHATEVER girlfriend. You need this reassurance from Dad. I am sure he loves you and doesn't see himself pulling away from you at all. It is hard for him to understand your fears. Talk to him.
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first off.. that is your dad.. you were there first... you need to sit down with him and talk... tell him how you are feeling.. even though it isnt going to push her out of his life... he probably doesnt know how she is acting towards you kids... that is terrible.. she needs to realize that your dad is not single.. your dad is a package and that she needs to accept that... but seriously.. your dad can be blinded by trying to make her the one... and not seeing what is really happening... so talk to him.. let him know.. he will open his eyes and ears and really start to pay attention and will let her know that her actions will not be tolerated... try it... good luck hun..
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what you wrote seems very mature. and i'm sure if you sit your dad down and tell him exactly what you told us, that he will be able to handle it. that's his job as your father. please try to keep the lines of communication open, that's very very important in these situations. good luck!