I am really blessed with great family and friends. I had some tough times as a kid, but, I have been able to put them behind me. My one area of difficulty seems to be dating and romance. I just don’t have a lot of confidence. Its not like I have no experience, it just seems like a lot of work. But, I really want to be with someone. I am thoughtful and a good partner physically. Right now, my nephew, who is very attractive and a great kid, is dating like crazy and getting all this confidence building experience. Its sometimes hard to watch because I really want him to be happy, but its like, well, why can’t I have some of that. He’s only 13! I know part of it is my attitude, not to compare, and to take action. I was really hurt as a kid, so I have a skewed sense of myself that I’m working on, everyone tells me I’m attractive enough, its the way I carry myself. So, I want to take risks, but I’m tired of getting disappointed and hurt. Does anyone have any experience with this or advice? I get so discouraged because I feel like I should meet someone and yet it seems like it takes forever.
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you sounds like a nice person, i doubt you'll have trouble once you get out there. have you considered online dating? i hear success stories all of the time.
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I am no expert, but I think first you have to be open to take in the bad in order to find the good. You might have some more disappointment on your journey to find the right person. Also I think when the time is right it will happen for you. The right person only seems to come along when you've stopped looking. Work on things for yourself, and you'll be suprised who you meet
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How old are you? Anyone is scared to feel hurt, rejected and forgotten. Everyone wants to be accepted, appreciated and loved. And no one knows when the right person comes, when that right time comes. They come as it is intended to be by fate, or if you will it. But no matter who that person is, and when it is going to be, i think that it is better when you have to wait and not force the issue. :o) you have to enjoy the waiting like getting with different kinds of people and stay at the safe side. Somewhere in among the crowd, there is this one person who would stand out from the rest. One who would care to know more about you, laugh at your jokes, listen to you and know more about your family. At the same time, he could be the one you think you can reciprocate the right feelings with. :o)
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you seem to be exactly the same as me, or exactly the same as i used to be this time last year, but i have come upon this problem again. i had no confidence until recently due to things that concerned my past, but i have built it up by simply being me. i know that maybe getting hurt is not the best sounding idea but for every pain there is an equally good pleasure. give me a shout if you need anymore advice. gazz
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Love and romance is a lot of determination and work. A good working relationship is a huge investment, mentally, emotionally and physically sometimes. Gotta take chances if you want a chance at love.
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lillies - How old am I? Thats just it, I feel like a kid when it comes to this kind of thing. Your right, that I have to enjoy the waiting: but I feel like I have waited, thats where I have to work on my Patience. Thanks gazz Times' gone mad= I know it takes work. I guess I get hung up on the physical. My friends all say I look fine, but I don't feel fine. It seems so much easier for what I consider to be attractive people, like even my nephew. Its like a free pass. I know I'm not projecting good things when I feel that way about myself, but its hard to get honest feedback on that without being accused of being shallow. For some, it seems to fall in their lap, or am I wrong? Is it work for everyone? (thank you all for your responses.)
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you sound like a really great person. The only advice i have is i am on my second merriage, third serious relation ship. The main thing to remember is like your self first and other will follow and remember some people are just jerks and there is nothing wrong with you it is them. By the way in this merriage it will be our 17yr together in march 08. Good luck
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There are so many people on this site...even today, someone was saying how they thought they were ugly. Mind you--I guess I spend a lot of time with the teens...and I said to them, you should have seen me at 15. To which they tell me---that I'm very pretty. Thing is they didn't know me at 15, short PERMED hair, braces, chubby...whatever we for the most part grow out of it. Rabbit, it's probably all in your head. What where you chubby when you were younger? The pretty girl didn't ask you out to the dance? Who you are now is way more important than who you might have been in the past. Being hung up on the physical (even if it is your physical appearance) is shallow...and you have much better attributes that will leave a longer lasting impression on women. Take a few chances man, it's invigorating.
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hi rabbit,then they are right, take chances :)
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Lol - I guess theres no avoiding the risk taking, huh? FEAR = False Expectations About Risk (*sigh*)
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hehe but everyone has fears! ladies have their own fears too. And sometimes, they are waiting for you to tell them what's in your mind. So go ahead and talk to that charming lady you just met or reconnect with an old female friend and be comfortable with easy talks. be yourself and you would do just fine.
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It sounds like you just might have cracked the attractive-but-doesn't-know-it thing that goes down a treat. You seem very insightful, sensitive and intelligent... Leave it up to the winds of fate and something will happen. Trying to make it so gives the wrong impression. Finding the right person is like trying to grab smoke - you just have to wait for it to come to you.
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Hey Rabbit, Its not easy man. All fellas have been there. To echo what some of the other folks have said you've got to be willing to take in the 'not so good' stuff in order to continue growing internally and at the same time...get out there (volunteer at a charity, join a club). But be mindful that if you want to meet a good girl online dating might not be the best option (there's a lot of baggage - better to meet face to face and see what happens). There's someone out there for everyone. I met my wife in my late 20s. You've gotta just be patient and you'll find her and since you seem like a good person man...always remember to never let anyone take advantage of you (just an honest comment - there are a lot of wacky people out there, just be mindful of this). Hang in there man, RW