She just told me men are like animals and they can’t control their sexual urges which is what causes r*pe. I said it was about control and she said it was because they are like animals, I became very harsh towards her because I have very strong beliefs about this issue. I had been a victim of r*pe and she has no idea what she goes on about. I also said I don’t believe women in western countries should be forced to wear a veil if they don’t want too, but its ok if they want too. I believe it IS WRONG. Since a young age she told me when boys turn into men they become nasty and horrible. when I was 13 she said if i walked further than a 100 yds down the road on my own I would get r*ped. She said men are s*x obsessive and it makes them become violent. When I was 15 she told me about her s*x life with my dad, saying that she had to give him s*x when she wanted or he would become abusive towards her. she said if i didn’t have s*x with my partner if i had one he’d leave me, and he;d be angry towards me and abusive. i went through a very DEEP depression because of being told such wrog information. Because I was so niave and innocent for being the kid I was, i didn’t know i cud get any better. I went round being scared of all men and not being able to form relationships because i trusted nobody. I thought all guys are r*pists because ifi didn’t have sex with them they;d be forceful. I still have trust issues. Earlier this year this guy was s*xually abusve towards me, i told my brother and mum, my mum said he was expressing his feelings. I went back to this guy and stayed the night and surprise suprise, he r*ped me. I was upset and told people and gradually worked out forced s*x is r*pe, even duress. after i was told this i was shocked what i was told it was the norm for so many years is actually a CRIME. I was depressed over an issue at 15 when was not even REAL, (though in some cases) and been scared of men thinking they wud do stuff to me who many wudn;t even dream of doing. I have gone through periods of anger. and anyway, i argue with my mum about this subject because i jave strong beliefs. i also belive how she treated memade me extra vulnerable to the r*pe and it makes me angry. my v*ginity had been taken in a way i didn;t want. i struggled tremendously in s*xual relationships and at times i feel she ruined my life. i had massive mental health problems because of closing myself in around guys so much, being scared. bcause i thought all mn are cruel i started making up perfect images of them in my head to protect myself, but things got out of control. I admit shes helped me, given me a place to stay an all that. but i do have srong feeings of anger. because i had low self esteem thinking i deserved no better i attraced the horrible guys in my life.
after this massive argument she burst into tears. its fustrating I can’t change her, butnow ive realised i prob can’t. but i do GET VERY ANGRY. saying men just want women for their beauty, and s*x. i know not every person is perfect, but her views i find are apsolutly appualling and disgraceful. im glad not all people are the same.
thanku so much for reading and please tell me ur views.
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i think you should talk 2 yor mum about it. sit her down and tell her how you feel.
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Hey there Florence, it sounds to me like your mum has had a rough life and has, as you so very well put passed on those feeling of hatred and resentment on to you, and for that your mother is wrong..... NOt all men are like that, it seems to me that so much of the time the ******* men get the wonderful women and the ***** women get the good men.......... Men can control themselves, but that control is based upon what that indervidual man has in his sexual makeup.... That means if he was brought up to believe that sex is rough or violent then that is what he will do, and if he is taught that it is tender and loving and sensual, gentle experience then again that is what they will do.... If you have been raped, Report it sweetheart so that some other girl dosent have to go through what you did because that man, just thought he could, dosent get away with it..... IT will help you with processing your emotions as well...... Take care and if you want any more of my perspective on this madness we call life, say hi! Mwah oo
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Strangely, I heard my aunt make the exact same argument tonight. Of course the only thing more irrational then the statement itself would be me trying to argue the point with her. I am glad to know, however, that there are others who might have shared my observation. It is still satisfying for all it's irony. I think your Mom has some deep-seeded issues regarding men and her experiences with them. I would not be surprised if she was a victim of sexual assault herself. It is unfortunate, however, that she let these feelings spill over into her role as a parent. Nothing will ever erase the things that have occurred thus far in your life, but simply the fact that you are still here and alive allows you the chance to go on and make different decisions yourself. You've taken a huge step in realizing how wrong your her attitudes were and simply the fact that you've been able to form new opinions based on your own experiences suggests how far you've already come. My advice to you is the same as I have shared with everyone else who's suffered trauma or abuse - it pays to talk about it. There are ways, I believe, for a person to let go of long-harboured anger; though, it is often a process and will undoubtedly take some time to rightly achieve. Nevertheless, as I've alluded to above, it sounds very much like you've already begun that journey, so I wish you much luck in it's continuance. PS. I am a male and, while I am not always proud of many who share my gender, I have nothing but love for the women in my life.
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thanku for u whove replied. i did tell the police of what i had been a victim off. sadly, only 5% reported end up in conviction. that means he got away with it. my mum prob was a victim, but thing is, its very difficult being round her and not knowing what her problem is when she says such harsh things. also, what she told me made me end up being extremely unwell. it makes me so angry.
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Flo, another thing that's going to hinder your relationships with nice blokes is hanging on to your anger. You have a RIGHT to be angry, there is no doubt; however, it is in your best interest to work through your anger and let it go as best you can. It really doesn't serve you any further than to keep you living in the past, which is certainly not a pleasant or productive place to exist. Perhaps if you can understand the reasons why your Mum behaves the way she does, you will come to a greater understanding of her as a person and, in time, be able to accept her flaws and move on without them.
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i guess living in the past is a great weakness of mine, i do struggle to move on from things. the anger can be hard to deal with. she never explains orgives proper detail why she thinks the way she does. thats the extreme difficulty.