I feel as if I’ve let myself and my family down and don’t know how much longer I can take it. My 3 year old son doesn’t listen to anything myself or my husband say to him, he never des what he is told and is generally a bully to both of us and his 7 month old brother. My Husband still doesn’t know how to talk to him and has started talking to me like something he scraped off the bottom of his shoe and I feel as if I’m bringing up three children not two. Our problems started a long time ago - when my three year old was born my husband worked 16 hour night shifts and due to medical problems our baby had at 3 weeks old he became very clingy. as I was on my own 6 nights a week I started feeding our son in bed and over a period of a few months my husband was slowly pushed out of the marital bed and onto the sofa. It was only last Christmas that My three year old started sleeping in his own bed and I rejoined my husband in the marital bed. At this point I was 4 1/2 months pregnant with ou second child. for about 3 months things went great, we still had problems actually getting him to sleep but he was sleeping through most nights and the bed was dry! However about 6 weeks before the baby was due things took a turn for the worst. almost every night when my three year old would wake up he would be demanding (I want juice, I want a dvd on, I want to come into Mummy’s bed) to the point of shouting and screaming and throwing tantrums when he was told no. He even started to get violent with bitting, kicking and screaming. Roughly three months after my second son was born we could no longer take the sleepless nights - it wasn’t just a newborn baby we were having to look after in the middle of the night! - so we moved our three year olds bed into our room thinking that part of the problem was that he was feeling isolated and left out, after all the new baby was getting all the attention and got to sleep in Mummy & Daddy’s room. Unfortunately things have not really improved and now my 7 month old is learning the bad habbits of waking up in the night and being awake for several hours. He sleeps brilliantly when his brother stays at his Nana’s and looks like he’s learning to sleep through. I just feel so at the end of my tether and that it is all my fault because it was mainly myself who brought our eldest child up. I feel that there are other contributing factors such as being able to have a three bed place so that they would each have ther own room. Nearly everyday I feel like just walking out the door but then I see my youngest and my instincts kick in and I realise he needs his Mummy so stay. To make matters worse I currently have the flu ( a week before Christmas, typical) and have had it for the last 2 weeks. I can’t shift it because I only get 2 hours sleep a night and am still expected to run around after everybody else. The atmosphere in our house is terrible and we are all at each others throats constantly. I have no idea how to make things better and make everyone happy again. I’ve seen my GP who has said I don’t suffer from depression but am just feeling low and need to make ‘lifestyle choices and make any changes neccesary’. Easy for him to say on the money he earns - I can’t afford a mortgage and rely on social housing so do not have the luxury of being able to just move when and where I want. My health visitor thinks my son has borderline autism and I feel that nobody is listening or prepared to try and help me overcome this emotionally tense and difficult time. They say Christmas is the time of year most suicides are committed and I can see why. I don’t know where to go for help or what to do any more does anybody have any suggestions?
Answer:
ok. i dont know what help i can do (im only 13) but since i was the one being brought up (my parents i feel did a great job) ive kinda seen what they have done. it sounds like you are in a few difficult situations, and its ok that you are getting frustrated. 1. i would say to be straight out with your husband that you two cant afford to be at each other's necks. talk to each other (when the kids arent around so you have the peace to talk) and say everything that is on your mind and ask him to do the same. that should be your first step. 2.once you both have an understanding, and are 100% on the same page, try to figure something out about your kids. maybe you should keep yourself from being a pushover in the middle of the night with your oldest child. dont give him everything he wants. just try to calm him down and get him to stop yelling for things. eventually, i think he should get used to it. that should help with the baby's sleeping patterns as well. 3. if this doesnt work, call dr. laura. she so rocks and always knows the right Thing to do. 1-800-DRL-AURA. she can so help. JUST REMEMBER- THIS ISNT YOUR FAULT! GOD IS PROBABLY PUTTING THIS ON YOU BECAUSE HE KNOWS YOU WILL HANDLE THE SITUATION AND FIND YOUR WAY THROUGH IT. HE IS ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE. ASK AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN. KEEP PRAYING AND HAVE FAITH. GOD BLESS. :)
Answer:
Some random suggestions from a mother of three grown children in no particular order. You mentioned a Grandmother in your post. Could you ask her to to keep both the children perhaps one night a week or every two weeks? If she can, perhaps you should have a date night with your husband. Renew you relationship and enjoy some adult time. It doesn't require money to have a stroll in the park or cook each other a nice dinner or have a romantic bath together. Some adult time to renew your relationship and relax might help a good deal. If you two are far apart emotionally now start date nights anyway. it will do you good I bet. Look into parent support groups. If you can find one that meets in person. Adult company can help and knowing others share some of the problems may make them seem alittle easier to handle. Other parents might have suggestions for you as well. Take the babies for a walk when you can. A walk in the fresh air and sunshine will be good for you and for them. Playing outside, getting some fresh air and exercise burns up childhood energy and helps children sleep better at night. Take a firm approach to the children sleeping in their own room or rooms! It will be difficult at first I know and they will cry and test your resolve but stick with it! Establish a routine at bedtime. My children did best when we worked up to bedtime with a relaxing routine. An hour before bedtime turn off the tv, give them their baths and get them into their pj's. Then spend some quiet time with them. Reading works well even if they are too young to understand everything you read at first they will in time and children who are read to become readers themselves when older. Put them to bed lovingly but with certainty. If they scream or get out of bed return them to bed, and do not give in to bad behavior. Remember, you are not solely responsible for everyones happiness. Children pick up on tension. Happy children are raised by happy mothers and fathers. Take some time for yourself. Notice I said take time? You have to take it, seize it and be selfish with a tiny part of your day every day. Read,sit in the sun...whatever makes you happy within reason. Hope these tips help.