My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and he says he loves me more than anything. He says hes not ashamed of me but he wont tell his parents or his long time friends about our relationship. Because his mother thinks he is single she tries to set him up with her assistant. To please her behind my back he starts conversing with this woman. I found out and confronted him about it and he says hes just doing it to make his mother happy. He is meeting her tonight so he will show his mother that he at least tried. He says tonight while they are on their date that he just wants to be friends. If he tells her he has a girlfriend than his mother will find out. What should I do? What is your opinion? We get along great and are best friends. I’m so confused. We have been together almost a year and even moved across the country together. What gives? sigh.
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wow you got problems. I know this sounds stupid but have you told him how much this bothers you?
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yes I have. But I tell him to make his own decisions. But yes i have told him exactly how upset, we almost broke up over this twice.
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This is hard but you must know him very well and im sure if he wasnt fully committed he wouldnt still be with you. I agree with Philosophical , you could tell him how you feel and say he needs to tell his mother because at some point the situation will get worse and his mother will put more pressure on him to be with some one else x
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It's going to be hard for him he obviously needs approval from his mother and you. Why would it bother his mother so much if she knew he was woth you?
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yes i know him very very well. and thats the advice i gave him that he is going to get himself into a huge mess if he doesnt come clean about us.
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his parents are very criticle i guess, but ive slept over at their house when we moved here and ive met them several times, they seem very sweet to me.
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he just seems to care more about pleasing him mother regarding thins that dont matter than about how i feel.
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he says he's going to fix the situation whith his mothers assistant but he stillisnt ready to tell his friends or parents about us.
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We are 26 years old. I just feel like he has issues if he is so into pleaseing his mother that he would risk the so called most important thing in his life that being me.
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Well you've got two options. Either put up with it and continue living in doubt, worried about whats going on or sort this out. If i were you i wouldn't put up with this. If you love someone you do everything in your power to show it. Either he can't see how much this is getting to you or he doesn't care enough to change it. You need to find out what his problem is.
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well maybe there is another reason why he wont tell them , maybe he feels he is scared to commit to your relationship and if he tells his mother this means the relationship is sort of...fixed. However this is unlikely as you say he has moved accross the country with you so im not sure what the matter could be. I think you need to tell him to make a decision one and for all.
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i believe he is afraid of the commitment, but why not tell his friends? his ex girlfriend and her fiance came over for supper so he asked if i would leave. because he wasnt ready for me to meet them.
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Well i wouldn't have it. No-one should be put in a situation where they feel they're not good enough. You need to seriously tell him about himself.
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yes just turn up and say "IM HIS GIRLFIREND" well maybe not but make yourself heard or ask him when he thinks he'll be ready
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I cry and cry and cry telling him i think he's ashamed of me, I threten to leave and he says he cant give me what i need. Yet he says he hopes we're always together and he doesnt know what he'd dow ithout me. I am so torn because I love this man so much and every other aspect of our relationship is wonderful. Am I a push over? do i have no self respect because I stay with someone who lies and who seems ashamed of me?
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thanks for listening btw
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thats ok ,No it isnt a lack of self respect you are clearly very in love with him but you need to force him to make a decision you cant hope to have a happy relationship forever stuck in the shadows , how long has he been saying he isnt ready yet?
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You really need to work out if you'd be happier without him or not. As you said you love him but does he love you enough? It's not a relationship if you're invisible. He's obviously in denial about something but it's just not fair on you.
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Thanks. Im happy with him but trusting him is going to be difficult.
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I only found out a month ago that he hadnt told his parents and friends about us.
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Well listen to your heart and trust your instincts. You only live once so do what's going to make you happy.
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i agree dont waste your time on him
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well if he loved you like he says he does then he wouldnt be making you feel like this! this situation is awful. how would he feel if you went on 'dates' with other guys? tell him its either her/his mom or you. if you brake up is that such a bad thing? do you want to be with someone forever who wont even tell his own MOTHER his own flesh and blood about you? why does it matter if he's single or not? surely if she wants to set him up with someone she will be happy that he has found someone? dont put up with this sh!t. its appauling and no one should treat another person with so much disrespect!
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raver.barbie - you're really on a roll tonight lol :)
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thanks! lemmie know if theres any other posts i have missed lol
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Yeah will do i think motivation and tough talk is much needed lol
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Yep! and another thing 2 the person who started the post... its ok to not have a boyfriend you know! breaking up with someone doesnt mean the end of the world. you need to be with someone who respects you and not someone who can treat you like dirt
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Has he ever asked you to meet his mum so you could just be together, it would be much simple. Is he that scared about his mum? I don't think his mum could control his life at the point to choose the right girl for him... that would just be wrong. Tell him or be a a bit cold to him, he has to realize it somehow.
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ive met his mom. She is really sweet to me. When we moved to ontario she even asked me if i wanted to stay in her home for a week until i could move into my new place. I dont get what the deal is.
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Then it's probably not about anyone else he obviously has hang ups about himself or about you. Seriously though he seems like a waste of time.
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there is a problem here... if he is trying to make his mother happy by going on a date... then he should just confess to her that you are in the picture... if he doesnt... then he is definatly hiding something... or someone...
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I guess I should just wait and see how long he stays on his date for.
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it's been 2 hours.
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Look it's getting to you and you shouldn't be in that situation. You shouldn't have to go on the internet and get advice from strangers. You need to put a stop to it otherwise you'll end up a wreck!
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ok so so far he's been with her 5 hours and he has his cell phone off. Am I paranoid? Or does it sound fishy for him to spend so much time with someone he's only meeting to as a courtesy to please his mom?
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DUMP his a*s if he refuses to stop acting ashamed of you! You deserve better!
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this is going to put a huge strain on your relationship.... your trust is going to be ruined.. because.. you have no idea what is going on... its been 2 hours... for dinner????????? uummm.. if you say so..... i wish you luck.. but my advise is to dump the loser... he is ashamed to admit to people... even his own mother that he is with you.... that right there should tell you something!!!!!!!!
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yeah sounds like he is the one with the problem, not his mom. i think he's just saying that so he gets to have fun with another woman and have an excuse for it! dump him now cuz thats absolutely disgusting!
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i agree with raver.barbie, this guy's got issues. there's absolutely no reason not to tell his parents, seems like he just wants to have fun with other girls.. dump him!
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let me get this streight...his mom thinks he is single, but isnt. Your two haev actually been dateing for a year with out ANYONE knowing...his mom is trying to hook him up with a girl because she thinks he is single...why not just walk up to his mom one say and say "Hello, I'm ________ I have been dateing your son for a year now, he isnt single and I dont understad why he just wouldnt tell you about me but hello." but frankly I would be SUPER PISSED and little Mr secrets because thats REALLY stupid, why couldnt he just bring him self to say when his mother first mentioned the assisstent that "hey I gotta girlfriend" and how in a year of dateing has his friends not known about you? I'm sorry but I think he is treating you like a fool, keeping you on the DL so he doesnt feel tied down, because when friends know a guy is dateing someone and he 'cheats' his friends may be compeled to say something and it would get back to you joys of being in the inner circle.. and you do realize he is basicaly cheating on you right now dont you? HE IS ON A DATE WITH ANOTHER GIRL WHO DOESNT KNOW BETTER! You wont know for sure he told her about you, I mean why would he when he doesnt even have the balls to tell his friends or mom! Im sorry but if your wondering if your being a fool, yes you are. I'm sorry Im not meaning to sound mean but it seems you kinda need this tough love speach Im givein... now time for a silution..try either the going up to his mum and introducing your OWN SELF or sit his little butt down and say. "Tommorrow you are takeing me to meet your mom or we are over"