i cant bring myself to eat ALL day because i’m afraid of it. i’ll get fat. i’m tiny so i’ve been told. i want to be smaller.
i limit my calories to 500. then when everyone goes to bed… the dark side comes out.
for some reason, i think i’m in this 4th demention or something, and nothing counts after 1am.
i make my way to the fridge and BINGE on anything i can shove in my mouth. i hate myself as i’m doing it.
i shove the food in my mouth faster than i can chew and swallow. i dont want to bother actually MAKING the food.
anything around is fine. lots of cereals and chips, and lots of bread! cheese and crackers! sweet, salty, or cheesy!
i can finally make myself stop at a point where i’m so full my actual stomach wants to bust open. sometimes i can purge it. other times i’m too exhausted to go through the whole head in the toilet thing. you know, bloodshot eyes and mucus dripping out of my nose. 2 am and its time for bed.
i go to bed hating myself for what i’ve just done. actually probably taking in a “normal”amount of calories a day in that mere 45 minutes i’ve been binging when really, i just wanted 500. i’m not asking for help. trust me. i know i need it. i know i need to tell someone or go to a clinic or blah blah. yes. i know this.
no matter what though, i feel there is no way out. i honestly CAN NOT help myself from making my way down to the fridge at night. everthing in my body pulls me there.
and only SOMETIMES can i resist. if i can do a whole week of resisting, i know i can get by for about a month on a very low cal diet. but every once and awhile i get stuck in this HUGE RUT and my body controls me. the food controls me. you dont understand. its awful and i’m a prisoner to it.
what’s wrong with me! why do i have no control. no control. no control! again. i’m not asking for help. i know what i need to do.
i’m just asking for some words though. understanding? kind? uplifting? right now my body is full of JUNK and i hate myself for it. i’m uncontrolable. just like my parents. no control over their bodies and food. i will NOT become them.
Answer:
i wish i knew what to say that would help. i know how you mean about how you know you need help "blah blah blah". sometimes that doesn't help...you just want someone to say a kind word, to understand. i wish i could. maybe you need to stop thinking about not being like your parents and just except them for who they are..then maybe you'll be able to except yourself for who YOU are. You aren't your parents..you are you. i've probably not helped, but you know you can't go on the way you are. I think you know what you need to do to help yourself, you don't need me to tell you..
Answer:
I hope you're a girl...because this goes along with my next comment... I think it's sexy when girls eat, and I love a well fed healthy girl. Seriously. Many guys think the same. When we look in the mirror, all we see is our own imperfections because we see ourselves every day. We think that this is all that other people see when we go out. But realize, everyone is thinking this at the same time. You're so worried about how you look, but so is everyone else. No one is really judging you, they are too busy judging themselves!! Be happy, a smile goes a long ways...and eventually it will spread not just outwards, but inwards as well. I'm not sure if that helps, it's just my view.
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hey there :)... i didnt understand y do u only want to eat 500 Cal per day i think the average body needs 2000 i think am taking a nutition course right now :D ... u dont have to eat everything at once y do u wake up in the middle of ur sleep and eat everything .... divide the food , i think u starve urself till u cant control it anymore and it control u and eat it all ... divide ur food all over ur day ....
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I ask all my guys friends if they like tiny or skinny girl and they say no....they like girl with meat so when they hold on to their gf, they dont' feel the bone only. eat healthy, eat on time, and if you're scare you might get fat, just exercise to keep fit.....guys like that better...fit!! hope this help!
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i guess none of you understand what an eating disorder is or the psychological effects of it.
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i know the psychological effect that it feels like it is feeling a void or something ... get urself busy and u will forget about eatting and stuff.... i think ...
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Hi... I only just saw this post and I hope it's not too late to answer... well I'll answer anyway. Well I can understand what an eating disorder is and the psychological effects of it are. And it's probably a good thing that you said you didn't want help, because I don't know what to say that will help. If there is anything? Maybe I could suggest a few things anyway... if you ate the 500 calories closer to bedtime, would there be the possibility that you didn't feel so hungry in bed so you were less likely to binge? Or that you would feel like you had just eaten so you would be less likely to want to eat? Failing that, ha I know some good foods and things that are really low in cal. If you wanted, I could give you some ideas and you could possibly make them up and have them when you feel like bingeing? Not sure if it will work... because I just... don't know...
Answer:
in a way you dont want to be like them but you cant hide from it because what you said it sounds like you are and your trying to deny it ,self denile is the worst thing because then no one can assist you .Whenever you feel like going to the fridge just go to one of your family member's room and tell them to help you stop yourself; and i can see you are afraid of becoming fat go on the internet and find a web site that show you how to have a balance diet and you dont have to cook.Good luck with it oookk i wouldnt want anything to happen to you even though i dont know you so eat well.