!! PLEASE!! ok me and my boyfrind have been together for nearly 10 months and recently
i have only seen him like once a week outside of school compared to like
every other day… i try and point out i want to see him but he is always
too busy biking with his mates for me or talking to them… i dont really
have that many close friends and he is my closest… i dont know what to do
or say to him without making him angry to change any of it! cause its
really upsetting me I love him and don’t want to lose him but really need to sort it out!! HELP
Answer:
Have you sat down with him and told him that you want to spend more time with him? That is the first thing you should do. And depending on his answer I think you will find out whether he really likes you and enjoys being with you or if he would rather hang out with friends. If he would rather hang out with friends, mabey you two just arent meant to be.
Answer:
I have told him although he says its because his family are decorating but if they are how does that stop me seeing him? no stopping him coming to where i live! apart from wanting to be like a "normal" boyfriend and girlfriend!! what are a "normal" boyfriend and girlfriend like?!?!?
Answer:
It sounds like you may be trying to push him into spending more time with you. Think about what it means to push. It puts something close to you further away from you. What you want to do is pull him closer. The way to do that is to allow him the time with his friends and family. Try saying something like this to him, "Im not trying to take you away from your friends or family, I know they mean a lot to you." Then pull him in, "But sometimes it FEELS like you would rather be with them than me. I care deeply about you, about us. Im hoping you will want to spend more time with me." Then offer ways to do do that, "Maybe we can go biking together sometime." I put the word FEELS in caps because its very important to use that term. If you tell him that he is putting them over you he will get defensive. But if you tell him that his actions are causing you to FEEL this way, then he should understand that your not accusing him of anything. Just that you want to fix it. That you care enough for him to want to be with him.
Answer:
i have tried asking him questions like "you still want to be with me?" and saying to him that i feel like the add on and all he does is tell me i should go and cheat on him because i will have no life with him in the future etc!! I'm really confused
Answer:
Sounds to me like he isnt man enough to break up with you. Maybe you should end it with him. If thats how he treats you, speaks to you, you should know you deserve better than him.
Answer:
we broke up ths time last week to try and fix things because i was "too clingy" i really dont want to lose him because we are also best mates and he seems to have changed because of this break up which his mum said was "for the best" we got back together the next morning!!
Answer:
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. You said earlier that you dont have many close friends. So the time he is spending with his friends and family makes you feel like hes robbing you of that time. You cant pressure him to spend time with you, he has to want that as well as you do. What it FEELS like to him is that you are asking him to drop his friends and family for you. And from a guys point of view that is too 'clingy.' Im not trying to attack you, just trying to get you to better understand where he is right now. I agree that he should spend more time with you. But your not going to get it if you keep attacking him for it. You have a right to spend time with him, he has a right to spend time with his friends and family. You both have to compromise here.
Answer:
but i dont know what to do or say!!! if i talk to him about things he says things that really hurt and that i cant get out of my head! i've tried my hardest to compromise i just dont know what else to do!
Answer:
Go back and reread my first reply. It gives ways to say how you feel without hurting anyone. If you had found a compromise that worked for the both of you in the past, you wouldnt still have this same issue.
Answer:
The best thing to do is go out with him one night and when ur jst sat there just say aww abbe ive missed ya alot lately or sumert like that, put it nicely just say that you like spending time with him and you aint really got the chance to lately and say sumert like god soon we'v been going out for a year type of thing :D. Good Luck! x
Answer:
thanks everyone who has helped!! helped me out a lot
Answer:
what i would do would be to make some friends in the mean time dont concentrate too much on that if he makes you too unhappy well hes not worth it but let him know first cuz he probably doesnt even realize it well and you could chill with him and his friends maybe some of them even have gf that you can hang out with too
Answer:
i tried saying what animal said and got "sorry iv made new friends!!!!!!!!" so confused
Answer:
If this relationship is causing you this much pain, this much hurt, why do you stay with it? Compromise takes two people working together. If you have honestly put forth effort to do that and he hasnt, then he cares more for himself than he does you or your feelings. Dump him! He doesnt deserve you......
Answer:
i agree i know you dont want to hear it but you will only hurt for a while if you continue this then you will suffer little by little till its long surpasses the pain you would be in if you just "pulled off the bandaid" once again i know you dont want to hear it its hard but you know theres TONS of guys you will find one that will give you all the time in the world...thats one you cant let go
Answer:
Most people dont leave an unhealthy relationship because they fear being alone. Being alone, meaning not in a relationship, is only temporary. There are sure to be other guys you will be interested in. As well Im sure there are other guys interested in you. Dont let this sap play you, hurt you. You are better than that. You DESERVE more, better from a significant other. Your two choices here seem to be stay in a relationship that makes you hurt, makes you cry until he gets tired of it enough to dump you. OR, you dump him. All you'll have to do afterwards is take deep breath, sigh of relief for being rid of this thorn, then look towards other options.