i think i’m going insane, I’ve been so depressed for months and i seem to bring people down whenever I talk to them online, not immediately but i seem to be a let down because my depression takes control of my words and thoughts. It’s like this in the outside world too in general so often and comes accross in my behaviour shamefully :(
it began after i said something to a girl that i absolutely loved and cared for and i’m so upset because of recent times, her dad died last week and I’m gutted
i just can’t break out of this depression and i’m so confused.
I think I need some encouraging words to lift me
but i want something to happen that will show her in the future that i didn’t mean to hurt her when i spoke to her online and i would always be a good friend to her, but at the same time I don’t really understand her, I just know her life isn’t going that great and I feel attached to her even though she thought me just a friend, but i’m confused because i think she thought of me more than a friend although she has a boyfriend her behaviour is so strange. i met her once last summer and heard her talking at a bbq that she had to force her boyfriend to talk to her and i basically became overly interested and attached to her life and wanted to help her and i’m so confused, i don’t really understand why i fell in love with this girl. she told me one time that her mum was thinking about suicide and said ‘you just can’t tell that to your daughter’ and I know she has family problems and i thought that i’d be a good friend to her but I screwed up and told her i was feeling suicidal a few months ago and that she was a cruel person but this was online on myspace and i commented on a photo of hers saying she looked pretty. i feel so guilty and hate myself because it’s almost like i did completely the opposite of what i intended and made her feel worse about everything. i just don’t know what to do or what to think and this has been stuck in my mind and it’s a big scramble but means a lot to me. i’m so depressed and need help to get my head and sanity together :(
I even tried to commit suicide recently because i thought the best thing for me to do was stay out of her life and i’m so attached for some reason. and not being able to help and being a pest to everyone else just has torn me apart. i feel completely dead and can’t seem to do anything right, i’m someone who seems to bring people down when i’m down and brings people up when i’m up.. but this also veries because online communication is different from real life and sometimes it can be a complete mess how i affect others and my intentions are just worthless in this way to anyone if you see what i mean. what can i do to save myself and the people who care for me and the one i care about? i used to care for loads of people, i still do but i only feel for one and that upsets what goes on around me in everyday life
help please if you have advice to give or a solution :(
my life is falling to bits and has no direction and lack of motivation
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Gosh, I feel a bit drained just reading all that. I know how depression is, I suffer with it myself, but think about it....who wants to be around aomsbody who is so down all the time? If this girls mother has considered suicide, and she of course felt dreadful about it, why would she want to be around another suicidal person?? People online are not your therapist, they chat to other people for fun, not to be a sounding board for everything that is wrong in their life. I suggest you seek the help of your doctor, and try and get out of the house more, its fine to chat online, but its not real life.
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Right, first thing, stop it!!! You are not a pest and not bringing everyone down, you have to realise that with depression your mind will make you belive anything it wants too. I am a happy person so it would be hard to bring me down and even if you ever did, which is doubtfull, I would not stay down for long, so vent to me! Tell this girl that you did not mean what you said, that you were just confused, tel her that you think highly of her and you are there as a friend for her to talk to anytime she wants... Even though you want more from her, the best thing to do while she is going through a hard time is to be the bestest friend she can have, as she will need someone at this time and if she can't rely on her boyfriend then she will need a friend, so don't ressure her into feeling something more than what she can give right now as she may end up pushing you away further than what she would have done without these problems, so just be a good friend and listen.
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i don't know :s it's quite complicated she's at university and i've just dropped out (not the same one). when i met her last time i was really happy to see her but she wasn't comfortable around me there was nothing i could do i think i'm crazy :( the only reason i know what's been going on in her life is because i went onto her page on the bebo website
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Just talk to her through that site, say you will be there if she ever needs a friend, there is only so much you can do, so don't pressure her or stalk her (in the sence of sending message after message) Just be yourself, start trying to focus on who you are a fix what you need to with your own problems and issues.
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(sigh) i'm not sure what i can do..
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well for a start you can go to your doctor, tell them all about how you feel and get the help you need... Help yourself, you deserve it!
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thanks i know i've built up a lot in my head that's maybe not that necessary and confused really me about this and probably talking to someone in person will really help. but i have been to see an nlp therapist and a councellor quite a few times it's just frustrating when it's been some months now and it's like i've not changed at all. i feel completely dead like my soul got ripped out.. but i suppose the important thing is to for me to be hopeful and i think having someone there beside might bring me out of my shell more and free me a bit so i can think more clearly and behave more naturally too it's just sickning that my life has become such a pickle because of one or two mistakes and towards someone i care about so much :( wish there was a time machine but also, i never got a chance to really meet with her out of school and she was the only person i considered a good friend despite being in a band and known by so many people a while back now i'm lost and have nothing but an argumentative stupid screwed up family and it's very much screwed up because i haven't been able to function properly since i spoke to her when i'm with her my whole insides change, or if i hear anything from her i'm completely attached to her life and everything i see in day to day life when i'm out, i see traits of herself it's rediculouss our friendship meant everything to me and i ruined it because i talked to her when i was tired and basically unconcious of what i was saying i'm so stupid :( now i can only turn to psychologists my family's too screwed up to help my mental state my dad's loaded loves my mum they live in the same house and have been split for years i care for them but feel nothing for them and the rest of my family and it's hard to live like this i think someone to talk to in person might really help hopefully thanks for replying
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Your not stupid, we can't help what we feel but we can help what we don't feel. Maybe you need to think about medication, I know that might sound abit harsh but honestly if you need it you should take it and you don't have to be on it forever, also there is medication out there to suit each tye of thing. Try and reason with yourself about this girl, although it is healthy to like/love someone it is not healthy to obsess about them which is kind of boarder line what you are doing, thinking about her and talking to her distracts you from you and yourlife when what you need to be doing is focusing on how to help yourself.
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your so quick at replying i'm amazed :) i think my head might be out of sync with time or something :s yes, i do need to help myself and probably think about more positive things and deal with the practicalities of my life so i'm in a stronger position and more a touch with the outside world i tend to just run to my room and shut myself away so i don't have to talk to anyone and especially my mum and dad who are a living nightmare but i will do my best to help myself, my emotions and ability..
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Do you know that was just sods law how you said I replied so quick and then I had to go and see to my kids lol, one woke up needing the loo and woke the other one so I ad to go and convice them it was not morning yet and to go back to sleep.... Sorry about that. I am glad you can see that point, you need to work on yourself first and I wish you all the luck I can give :)
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thanks
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No problem :) Remeber this is what this place is for, any help that can be offered.
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yeah :) i didn't realise the time last night was mayhem there was music and arguments from hippies and my dad and some randoms going on till 6am and a baby trying to sleep in the room next door absolute chaos :s i better try to correct my sleep pattern what you said helped so thankyou again :) goodnight
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Goodnight :D
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you could be lonesome like I always am
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ive learned that suicide is always the wrong thing to do..its ok to feel like your like you could die but to actually go through with it makes no sense..remeber, there is always a way out..just get out of that circle your in and look forward problems should be in a straight line ..always looking for a solution.. if your in a circle, you just keep going round and round..
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I know what you are going through. It has nothing to do with the girl ... believe it or not ... It is about you and the void within you. You want the girl to fill this void and give you purpose in your life. Instead, she is just going to amplify your feelings of unworthiness and self doubt. She is going to do whatever she wants to and all you are doign is giving her power. You are ultra sensitive to every little thing she does or says. It is apparent because you remember specific things she has said, and analyzed it, over analyzed it and it has effected you emotionally. You are also attempting to get inside her head and imagine what she is thinking... impossible. So don't try. This doesn't mean you are a bad person or have anything to be ashamed of, or deserve any less than anyone else. It means one thing: focus off of her, and connect to who you are. Some say we should have a relationship with God first before another. To me that means bringing God into your life first.
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i have just read you long post, and your not alone, i think everyone goes through this crazy confused stage in their lives some sooner than other and some triggered by what other poeple would call small and insignificant problems, mine was having an abortion and having no one to support me!!!! trust me this girl is also going through a ****** patch and i know that you feel like your in limbo about where you stand with her all you can do is ignore the negitive and just tell her calmly that no matter what has happend its water under the bridge lifes to short and if she ever needs to talk you are there for her. thats all you can do for her the rest she needs to do for herself, and you need to concerntrate on you!!! hold on to the things and the people you care about and with alittle time and effort things will look brighter!!!! trust me!!!