Life has handed me a bowl full of lemons. I had a baby two years ago that died shortly after birth because of a complex congenital heart defect. The doctors said that it was a freak of nature and that the chances of something like this happening again were slim. I am now 4 1/2 months pregnant and have learned that this baby has a complex congenital heart defect as well. The doctors originally thought that this baby had hope of survival with surgery, but now believe that this baby will also die shortly after birth. They have recommended termination. Part of me wants to terminate because I can’t go through the pain of burying another baby, and the other part of me feels that I will be a murderer if I terminate this pregnancy. No one can make this decision for me. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I need help to stay sane right about now.
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I will gladly accept your help.
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I am so sorry that you are facing this! Let me say that one thing I have learned in other medical situations is to always get a second opinion. I have heard of cases in which doctors were able to perform surgery in the womb. http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=17801 http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/282/19/1819 Perhaps you should try to contact these doctors-- they may even be able to put you in contact with folks who would help cover the costs of travel to see them etc. Here is contact info: http://www.covenanthealth.com/coldfusionapplication/centramax/Details.cfm?srchPhysicainID=2479&UniqueID=278960&PhysicianName=BRUNER,%20JOSEPH%20P.,%20M.D. http://www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/surgery/neurosrg/Staff/Tulipan/tulipbio.htm However, you are the only one who can make this decision, and I will be hoping that you are at peace with whatever decision you make.
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Thanks for your concern. I have had two opinions. One of them was at the Fetal Heart Center at Children's Hospital in Philadelphia which is the top ranked pediatric hospital in the nation. I am tempted to find a third opinion, but I am afraid that if I keep looking for the answer that I want to hear then I will eventually get it, even though it may not be the truth.
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By the way, I am not the friend that Oldfart invited. I have a feeling that this other person may be more of an expert at what you are going through, so I hope you will wait for her reply. You might even have to check back.
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L-Lost, It sounds like you have tried all of your resources. I am of the ilk of trying to encourage you to hope and wait for a miracle, but I have not walked in your shoes. I agree, running from doctor to doctor once you have approached some experts, is not wise, either. My heart aches for you. I wish I could offer you more.
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Hi, Thankyou for the invite oldfart, you have made me out to be the only answer lol, I realy do wish I could take this worry and grief off your shoulders. It must be such a heartbreaking thing to find out that not only looseing one baby you may loose another and the heartbreaking thing about it is that they have given you a choice to make for the baby, sometimes I think the pain would have been better if the choice was never given in the first place, but it has and now you are left in termoil about what is best to do. I had a miscariage about 2 months ago, nothing compared to what you have been through and have to go through but still pain enough. You must be thinking about nothing but this choice now and what to do for the best, but you need to think, are you thinking about whats best for you or the unborn baby, if I were in your shoes I would go full term and have the baby no matter how slim the chances are, but that is just me. I think to be honest my decision is more of a selfish one as if push cam to shove I would rather have to suffer grief at the death of my baby than spend a lifetime of guilt wondering if terminateing was the best thing, a constant thought in the back of my head telling me "what if" and maybe", you may not think think this now but guilt can be allot more painfull than an actual natural death, also you would be able to put a face and thought to the baby and be able to grieve properly. This is only if the baby dies, they say there is a chance that the baby will most likely not survive long after birth, but in those same odds there is a chance the baby could live, I am not telling you to keep your hopes up and deny what they have said but just try and make a decision that you know you can live with after this. If the baby is terminated or it dies after birth then i am afraid you are still looseing it either way but if you give birth to it you know that you atleast gave it the best fighting chance you could and that if it dies you did al you could and you cannot blame yourself for that. I can only imagine what looseing a child muct be like, it makes me sick to my stomach so you must be going through hell right now, I hope if anything that my words have put another prespective on things, I cannot ease the pain just make the choice more logical, I hope that whatever you choose that you don't suffer too much.. Emily.
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i can't begin to imagine what you are going through. personally. i think that i would go through with the pregnancy and take the chance to see if the surgery may help. i would pray about it. a baby is a miracle from God and i think that i would have to give my baby the chance at life. i heard a story about a couple who was pregnant. the doctors found a cyst on the baby's windpipe was was told that once the baby was born that it would not be able to breathe and have to be rushed to surgery as soon as he was born and that he most likely would not survive the surgery.they recommended that they abort the baby. the couple decided against it and prayed that their baby wouldbe ok. seconds after the baby was born he began crying. the parents were so happy bc it meant the baby could breathe. about 30-45 min after burth the baby began to have breathing problems. they took the baby to surgery everything went perfect and to this day the chid is a healthy toddler. i know that not all babies are as lucky as this one. but i do believe that they should be given the chance at life. only you can decided what you will do. i can only recommend praying about it. i will pray for you in this difficult time
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I used to believe in miracles. I found out that the baby I lost in 2005 was sick during a routine ultrasound when I was five months pregnant. I saw several top specialists and they all said that the baby would not survive because the heart defect was so complicated. The heart defect didn't even have a name, because they never saw anything like it before. I carried the baby to term with the hope that maybe just maybe they were wrong. I knew in my heart what was going to happen, but I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to live life with no regrets. I can look back at that situation and say that I truly did everything I could have to give that baby the best chance at survival. This time around is a bit different. This current baby growing inside of me has the same unknown heart disease as the other baby. It is probably something genetic, but they do not know what. They have performed some genetic tests. Everything they test for comes back normal. Anyway, to make a long story longer...I feel hopeless this time. Part of me wants to keep this baby because who am I to decide its fate, but part of me feels that why delay the inevitable. Another part of this that is hard is that everyone assumes that just because you are preganant that it is the happiest time of your life. It is so hard to walk around having strangers asking you what you are expecting and congratulating you all of the time. It is torture sitting in the OB office looking at happy pregnant women who will most likely get to bring their baby home. This is torture. I need a fast forward button in life right about now. I don't want to deal with this. I must have done something aweful in a previous life or something. Any advice out there?
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i believe that you shouldn't terminate, because although the doctors say that this baby may die shortly after birth as well, there may still be a slight chance that the baby may survive with surgery. what ever you're decision is i'm very sorry to hear about your loss, and about this tragic news. good luck with everything. and try to stay positive.